Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
“Acceptance” as a part of emotional healing means “acceptance that this is where you are, and all positive progress will stem from this point in time, you cannot move forward from some imaginary point in the past or future, you can only begin from where you actually are.”
It does not mean “you need to learn to regard the shit situation you were/are in as acceptable.”
That shit that happened/is happening to you? That is merely the reality of what has happened/is happening. Your goal is not to say “it’s okay”, to forgive, to say “this situation is fine”. You NEVER have to say those things if you don’t want to, and you SHOULDN’T say those things if they are not true, it will not make things go any faster.
Your goal is to be able to say “WELP, here’s where we are, in Bullshit City. I guess we start from here.”
Acceptance is a realistic assessment of where you are and a willingness to begin from there. It is a recognition that old patterns, whether positive or negative, cannot or do not have to continue.
And it’s not a 100% all-or-nothing thing. Some days you will be a lot more level than others. Some days you will be really angry or sad about what happened/what you lost/what is happening. That’s okay. But on many and eventually most days you will be a lot more focused on the future, and what you can do. And believe me, that is SUCH a huge relief.
Soooo, if someone is encouraging you to think of “acceptance” solely as “contentment” or “totally at peace”, they are approaching it wrong, in a very not-helpful way.
If you are struggling, maybe it will help you to see that this important recovery stage is not an insultingly tall hurdle you have to jump with a smile on your face and perfect gracefulness.
It is merely an end to foundering because you have found your new solid ground. It will be a quiet, messy thing, and it may sneak up on you, but it will come. And from there, you can go in many different directions. New ones. Ones you never imagined.
If you aren’t there yet, keep going. Fight and scream and cry if you have to. All that shit is necessary shit! Do what you gotta do! Just keep slogging, and try to hold on to the fact that eventually, even if you don’t feel like it, you’ll get there.
The bad stuff will never be “okay”. But YOU can be. YOU can be okay. You WILL be.
If you are scrolling through Tumblr trying to distract yourself from something you don’t want to think about, or you’re looking for a sign. It is going to be okay. Just breathe. You are alive and you matter.
i reblog this everytime i see it because i always need it and figure others do too
My son made this. He called it “Monstrous Moon” and it was presented to me at a parent teacher’s conference this week.
Teacher: “Can we talk about your son’s art project? He made this moon.” Me: “Neat.” T: “He then told the class that it was an evil moon that demanded gifts and songs. People who made it happy could turn into werewolves and those who made it mad would be eaten by said werewolves.” M: “Ah.” T: “He then said we was making the monstrous moon happy and howled, which made other kids howl. They then spent recess howling and talking about eating people.” M: “Oh. That’s a problem.” T: “I’m glad we’re on the same page here.” M: “I’ll speak to him about the importance of the separation of Church and State. He shouldn’t bring his religion to school.” T: “Uh, that’s not what I meant. I have a few therapists that-” M: “HHHHHOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLL”
God okay so I’m going to say this now; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not risk your health or anyone’s in the form of getting a “cheap” binder of ebay or where ever. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE save your $4-$10 dollars for those cheap ebay ones and put it towards a gc2b binder. Or if you want an Underworks go for that but I highly suggest gc2b. They’re about $40 (with shipping) and will last you WAY longer than any cheap ebay one. They are MEANT for lasting you. I wash mine many times week, wear it daily, Wear them daily. I have two. Had them for almost a year now. But I cannot urge you enough to PLEASE save up your pennies for a PROPER SAFE binder. Binders you can breathe in, binders you can move in, binders that don’t crush your ribs, binders that are comfortable, binders that are safe.
This isn’t a safe binder:
It uses clasps and not compression.
This is a c2b binder; made by trans people for trans people:
These binders have no clasps but uses spandex to compress you safety.
Measure your chest before ordering to make sure you don’t get one too small or too large.
UPDATE (06/12)
I wanted to add more information on where you can buy binders and info in general about binders
If you can’t afford a binder, don’t despair! Used binders are often passed on by post-op trans men or those whose binders may no longer fit. There are a few programs available that help distribute donated second-hand binders:
In A Bind – Started in 2012, to date In a Bind has provided safe compression garments to over 1500 youth in need. Trans* masculine and genderqueer youth living anywhere in the USA can apply to receive a free binder. In a Bind depends on donations. Recently had top surgery? Go up or down a size? Find a style that works better for you? Donate those binders you’re no longer using!
MORF Binder Exchange – Since February 2011, MORF has been providing free binders to trans* masculine people in the UK and around the world. The free scheme (all you pay is the postage) has so far redistributed hundreds of binders. In 2014 alone, over 280 binders were sent out.
If you still remember your old bra size, you can find out your binder size by using theBra to Chest Size Converter Tool. If you don’t know your old bra size, you can measure yourself the old-fashioned way:
Take a snug measurement of the fullest part of your chest using a tape measure (best if measured while clothed) and write that number down onto a sheet of paper.
Measure underneath your chest where the crease is and write that number down as well.
Add those numbers together and divide the sum by 2. This number will differentiate your size not only from brand to brand but from binder to binder as well.
Selecting a binder brand and style can be difficult: there are so many options that it can be overwhelming! Plus, there aren’t very many reviews of binders other than those about Underworks’ and T-Kingdom’s more popular models. After buying your binder, help make the experience easier for guys in the future by contributing your review to one of the review sites listed below.
Essentially, there are two types of binders: short ones and long ones. The short ones end right at your waist. The down side of these is that if you carry some extra weight, short binders tend to roll up and act more like a bra. The long ones can be pulled down past your waist by several inches, however it’s inevitable that it will still roll up. To reduce the chances of this, wear a belt. Choosing between a short and long binder has more to do with your body type, specifically your abdomen, and not your chest size.
Lastly, consider the location of the company you’re buying from. Buying from a company that’s closer to you can save you a significant amount of money on shipping costs.
How to Put On a Chest Binder
It might seem silly, but you’re probably going to need some help figuring out how to put on your new binder, particularly if you purchased one of the longer styles.
Put your binder inside out and upside down.
Step into your binder and pull the bottom of it up, ideally to your belt line. The binder should still be inside out and upside down.
Use the sleeves as handles to pull the top of the binder (the end closer to your feet) up to your shoulders.
Put your arms through the sleeve holes and adjust your chest to your needs. You may need to pull the bottom of the binder out from underneath itself if you don’t want it folded under. For others, leaving it folded under may help stop the binder from rolling up.
Don’t be disappointed if you look in the mirror and it looks like you have one big boob in the middle of your chest. You just need to adjust your chest. Reach in from the neck hole and push your chesticles down and out. You’re basically pushing your nipple toward your armpit to achieve the flattest looking chest possible.
FTM Chest Binding Tips
Very important: When binding, you should not by any means feel as though you can’t breathe or like you’re going to pass out from a lack of oxygen.
Binders aren’t the most comfortable things in the world. To make binding more comfortable, and to reduce the possibility of the binder moving around a bit, some guys wear a light shirt underneath.
Depending on the size of your chest, you may need to layer clothing on top of the binder to get optimal chest flattening. You’ll find that some of the shirts in your closet require you to layer more than shirts in your wardrobe.
You can swim in your binder. Just wear a sleeveless or sleeved T-shirt over it. Don’t worry if your binder seems less effective after a swim, this isn’t permanent. Simply wash it and it will go back to normal.
Your chest will look bigger than it really is when you look down at it. Check in the mirror for a more accurate side view.
Not all binders breathe well, and the reality is that you’re probably going to get hot. If you’ve already started testosterone, you’re definitely going to sweat. The build up of sweat can irritate your skin causing rashes and sores. Wearing a thin cotton shirt that breathes well underneath your binder may help prevent this. If you find this uncomfortable, try applying corn starch to your body before putting on your binder to help keep it from holding in moisture. If you’ve already experienced skin irritation of some sort, take care of it the same way you would an open wound. Washing the irritated area with anti-bacterial soap will keep it clean and help it heal faster.
Conclusion
Chest binding, as cumbersome as it may seem, can be very freeing for transgender men. There’s a plethora of quality FTM chest binding products available for body types of all shapes and sizes. Regardless of what you use for binding, please remember to put your health first. Now that you’re armed with all the information you need to find the right binder for you, go forth and feel more comfortable in your skin!
FTM Chest Binder Reviews
Chest Binder Reviews Site: Written reviews of various chest binding products. Binders are rated for effectiveness, comfort, and discreetness.
Binder Reviews’ YouTube Collab Channel: This is a collab channel dedicated to providing reviews of a wide variety of chest binders on different sizes and shapes of people.
Hudson’s Guide to FTM Binding: Includes a complete list of other products you can use for chest binding, such as compression garments and sports bras.
FYI Binding Tips: The Butchelor has some useful tips on how to put on a binder, how to keep it from rolling up, and how to wash a binder.
Do you have any tips about binding? Want to share your experience with a particular binder brand or model? Do you know of other binder manufacturers, particularly those outside of Asia and the US? Please leave your comments below.
This isn’t a userbox but I wanted to reblog this here for all of our followers who bind!! Stay Safe lovelies and just a reminder not to use Ace bandages!!! - Daniel
BLESS THE PERSON THAT PULLED ALL OF THIS TOGETHER!!
Controversial opinion, apparently: Don’t hit children.
It teaches them to obey out of fear, instead of for good behavior’s sake.
Even then, it has mixed results and often makes defiant children.
It causes long-lasting psychological issues that follow them to adulthood.
It ruins your relationship with that child because they will not trust you.
A handy chart:
hot take: spanking counts as hitting your child
It is detrimental to a child’s learning self-regulation and internal guidelines. Instead, they learn to rely on outside forces to inform their actions and create their boundaries.
