Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
is there a word for “i was instantly good at a lot of things as a quote-unquote gifted child, and, as a result, i was able to skate by without ever being taught how to actually learn a new skill, and now that i’m an adult trying to learn new things that i can’t be good at instantaneously, i don’t have the patience or knowledge to improve on them, because skills that don’t come naturally to me just make me angry because i lived off instant gratification my whole childhood due to not ever being challenged intellectually or taught basic learning skills?” asking for a friend
Yes–it’s called the Curse of the Gifted Child, and it’s overwhelmingly common in adults who were the “gifted and talented” kids, and it leads to disproportionate levels of anxiety is smart adults. It’s why all educators and family therapists who are current in the research try so hard to spread the word that parents and teachers should praise children for trying, for working hard, for persevering, for thinking for themselves, and NOT praise them for their inborn intelligence or talent.
Adults fuck kids up so hard by praising something that the kids a) have no control over, and b) won’t itself improve over time (i.e. the level of giftedness doesn’t go up as we age, and eventually we find ourselves coming up to its limits). And our (I’m assuming you’re American) education system is so broken that we can’t do right by our gifted students in entirely different ways than how we can’t do right by our struggling students, or our students with other needs. It’s a fucking miracle that students on either side of “average” learn anything useful at all, and if they do it is 100% guaranteed that it’s due to a spectacular teacher finding ways to get their students involved intellectually and creatively in spite of, not thanks to, the system.
If you have kids or work with kids, take a moment and think about whether you compliment them on their innate gifts–“You’re so smart/talented!” or on what they actually do–“That was good/hard work you did!” This applies to all kids who do anything that comes easily for them: playing the violin, learning a second language, throwing/hitting/fielding a ball, etc. Replace “Wow, you’re so talented!” with “Your practicing has really paid off! You should be proud of how hard you worked!”
Praise ALL kids for not giving up if something is hard, even if they don’t get an A (or a B or even a C for that matter). “I know this isn’t the grade you wanted, but I saw that you worked at it, and that’s what’s going to make the next assignment a little easier.”
For gifted and talented kids, praise them for stretching themselves. Help them find challenging things to do. START EARLY, because, as the original poster says (and so many more of us feel), if we can skate through our first 18 years of life without being intellectually challenged, the rest of our LIFE is going to be very, very anxiety-inducing, difficult, and intellectually and emotionally overwhelming.
In the grown-up world, self-respect gets you further than self-esteem. “I can probably do a good job at this if I work at it” is the result of focusing solely on a kid’s self-respect. “Everything is so easy for me because I’m gifted/talented wait this is hard and so is this and I can’t do anything and I’m afraid to try because what if I fail I’ve never failed and my entire understanding of my own worth as a human being is that I don’t fail” is what comes from focusing solely on a kid’s self-esteem. Self-respect, learned over time, will bring self-esteem with it naturally. Self-esteem, learned over time, is separate from self-respect and, without the balance, just brings pain and misery and mental breakdowns when the adult hits the hard limit of the gift or the talent.
Ask me how I know. Then ask me why I’ve become a full-time tutor.
R.I.P. The 2976 American people that lost their lives on 9/11 and R.I.P. the 48,644 Afghan and 1,690,903 Iraqi and 35000 Pakistani people that paid the ultimate price for a crime they did not commit
this is the only september 11th post I’m reblogging
Reparations.me invites people who identify as white to offset their privilege by helping people of color.
Conceptual artist Natasha Marin founded the site as a social media experiment.
It has helped people receive things like:
It seems to me, that these tears of joy, these tears of happiness are the main and the most important indicator that you can do these people really grateful to you!
I can’t find words to describe how wonderful it is! Natasha Marin has created this website to help poor families, especially from the black community!
Let’s make this world a little bit better!
#DIYReparations
Blocking everyone saying stupid shit in the comments really cleared up my hyperpigmentation
as a general PSA, any time a European shares a way their society has successfully dealt with a problem that’s currently plaguing America they are lying through their teeth
People are responding ‘healthcare’ but listen. There’s not a single nation in the world where people aren’t dying of preventable disease because of money or dying of poverty related issues due to disability. You’re fooling yourself but you’re not fooling us.
literally thousands of disabled ppl in the UK have died at the hands of their government because they were declared fit for employment and lost all their assistance and benefits. some of them died within weeks, even days of being cut off.
Canada’s “solution” to healthcare is not letting disabled people immigrate here to avoid “strains on the economy”
At least 10 people were killed in Cuba by Hurricane Irma, most of them crushed by collapsing buildings, authorities said on Monday, bringing the death toll from the ferocious storm to 38 in the Caribbean.
Seven of the dead were in the province of Havana, while fatalities also were reported in Matanzas, home to the tourist resort of Varadero, and the regions of Ciego de Avila and Camaguey farther east, according to a statement from civil defense authorities.
The storm crashed into Cuba late on Friday as the first Category 5 hurricane, with sustained winds of than 157 mph (253 kph), to make landfall on the island since 1932, state media reported.
The eye of the hurricane scoured the islands on Cuba’s northern coast. Even its outer reaches were powerful enough to send waves of up to 36 feet (12 meters) chasing into Havana’s historic seafront boulevard on Sunday.
“Given the immensity of its size, practically no region escaped its impact,” Cuban President Raul Castro said in a statement published in state-run media on Monday. He called for Cubans to unite in order to rebuild the country.
“The task we have before us is immense but with a people like ours, we will win the most important battle: the recovery.”
Irma, which had winds of more than 160 mph (260 kph) by the time it reached Cuba, progressed for some 200 miles (322 km) along the island’s northern shore before the eye of the storm turned northward on Sunday to batter Florida.
Its winds tore off roofs, felled trees and downed electricity poles, causing flooding in many coastal towns, including the capital Havana, and leaving millions without electricity.
Two of the victims died in Central Havana, infamous for its creaking infrastructure, when a balcony crashed down onto their bus. Authorities attributed two other deaths to a collapsed roof and three to building collapses. (Reuters)
