Icon by @ThatSpookyAgent. Call me Tir or Julian. 37. He/They. Queer. Twitter: @tirlaeyn. ao3: tirlaeyn. BlueSky: tirlaeyn. 18+ Only. Star Trek. The X-Files. Sandman. IwtV. OMFD. Definitionless in this Strict Atmosphere.
this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able to receive the education they deserve thanks to their messed up government
Its even worse than that. I’m living through it. Not only are schools closing, hospitals are collapsing. Only around 9% of the island has electricity and it comes and goes at times.
People are dying in hospitals because of lack of diesel for the generators, a lot of the water is now infected, there are disease outbreaks and scareceness of food. I am safe, but many are not.
Some have water, others don’t. We need help. Sending money would be helpful but what would help even more would be sending water filters, filtering water bottles, food, medicine, if somehow possible diesel.
All of you reblogging this news helps, but what we need is physical help. If you can’t, then spread the word, but God if you can send supplies… Please… PLEASE do. We are dying. Help us, help us save ourselves. Help us save our people. Help us save out ISLAND.
If you’re not in a position to ship or transport useful items to the island (which is sure as heck the case for me in New Zealand) then the best thing you can do is give money to a reputable relief organisation operating in the area.
OHH my goodness look at these pics of the baby elephant at the zoo in tucson she got a box of hay for her 6 month birthday and she was so happy she fell over
some dudes like to talk a big game about how comedy suffers when people are afraid to offend but man, Mitch Hedberg was a white dude working in the era of peak offensive edgelord and his shit holds the fuck up so while most comedians will never come up with anything as timeless as “if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up” they could at least make an effort
Every McDonald’s commercial ends the same way, right? “Prices and participation may vary.” I wanna open a McDonald’s and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald’s owner. I’ll say “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets! We are not affiliated with that clown.”
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read.
I would like to have a product that was available for three easy payments and one fuckin’ complicated payment. We can’t tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch! The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! Good luck, fucker! That last payment must be made in wampum!
Hey, if you wanna talk to me after the show, I’ll be… fuckin’ surprised.
This shirt is “dry-clean only”… Which means it’s dirty.
One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said “Here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger. “Here’s a picture of me when I’m older.” “You son-of-a-bitch! How’d you pull that off? Lemme see that camera… What’s it look like? ”
An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I play golf. I’m not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy. And that’s way more satisfying. You’re supposed to yell “Fore!” but I was too busying mumbling “There ain’t no way that’s gonna hit him.”
When you’re in Hollywood and you’re a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things besides comedy. They say “All right you’re a stand up comedian, can you act? Can you write? Write us a script.” They want me to do things that’s related to comedy, but it’s not comedy. That’s not fair. It’s as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a good cook, and they said “All right you’re a cook… can you farm?”
- “Rice is great when you’re you’re hungry and you want 10,000 of something”
- “Tennis is depressing because no matter how good you get, you will never be as good as a wall”
- “I order the club sandwich all the time, but I’m not even a member, man. I don’t know how I get away with it”
